When You're Not Looking #3

Mystic Force? Trinity Warriors? Nah, I think I'll give it a miss... and I promptly change the channel. One of the joys of having Sky is that I now have so much to choose from, but then again, there's more rubbish to sift through - and even the programmes which seem promising can be off-puttingly badly made (Got To Dance. referenced above, is a pet hate right now). I'm beginning to see why my parents left the TV in the loft for much of my childhood. Entertainingly, we had three visits from the TV licensing people during that time to check that we weren't cheating on our payments, because they couldn't believe that anyone in their right mind wouldn't want television.

Personally, I don't feel like I missed out at all. I spent my summers out in the garden pretending to be a medicine woman in a Red Indian tribe, building teepees and creating disgusting-smelling concoctions involving dandelion petals and warm water. My siblings and I floated down imaginary rivers in a canoe made of old wooden school chairs, and swam in lakes that closely resembled a 6 by 4 paddling pool. In the evenings we read books and made up stories and songs, and the girls took it in turns to use the top bunk of the bunk bed as a stage for absurd performances (which included on one occasion a rendition of the baggy trousers song). Some days after school, the bunk bed doubled as a pirate ship. Moving on to my third 'When You're Not Looking', I can't help thinking that all this imagination play has fed into my adult life - why else would I be thinking of such stupid things on a train ride? You be the judge, of course.

When You're Not Looking...

...your reflection in the window waves at people. Sometimes it gets really cheeky and pulls faces. Of course if you're on a train, then most people are doing their best to studiously ignore their fellow passengers. You may have become used to this, but your reflection is fed up, and will employ whatever means necessary to gain someone's attention. Unfortunately it's not very smart, so it spends much of its time waving and gurning at trees, cows, and the odd squirrel.

It's when you fall asleep that the trouble really begins. Your reflection, noting your semi-recumbent position and dozy appearance, will begin to gesture frantically at the person in the seat opposite, and when, in awe and wonder, that individual recognises who he is being hailed by, your reflection will point at your silently snoring self, and laugh. Reflections also specialise is sticking their tongues out at small children (so if you ever find a small child with their tongue glued to the window, you know why).

Particularly adventurous reflections have been known to perform the ultimate freak-out - swapping places with somebody else's. This is most effective on drunks, as your average sober Brit will merely put the apparent illusion down to an overdue eye test. The moral of the story for the rest of you? DON'T fall asleep on trains. Or, do a Peter Pan and glue your reflection* to yourself with soap.

*Yes, I am aware that with Peter Pan it was his shadow. For insights on shadows, see a later episode...