Ladies and gentlemen of the literary jury, I need your help. The more observant among you may have noticed that I am not a gymnast (anyone who would have mistaken me for one, I'm flattered, but you may need your eyes testing). As days and weeks of good intentions have melted into months of lazy-mindedness, I find there's just one block I can't seem to shift or clamber over - not with any elegance, anyway. My blog has lain here quiet and abandoned, and every time I attempt to scribble something of any substance, I find myself falling after the first or second hurdle, to mix in yet another sporting metaphor.
I used to think it was a myth, like the mid-life crisis my father has yet to have, or a photograph of Roy Hodgson that doesn't make him look like he should be in the Hundred Acre Wood misspelling birthday cards. Either that or it was just an excuse for people who were too easily distracted by other pursuits. Well, colour me distracted - I really don't know what to do. And this, I hope, is where you may come in.
A few weeks/months ago (let's not get into the big ball of timy-wimy stuff), at the suggestion of the hubby, I made a brief, spontaneous, and rather absurd list of possible writing topics that would require maximum humour and hopefully just enough effort to get me back into my stride. I put them to you now, in (sic.) format:
Topic One
- the tiny hamster that lives under my bed.
- his name is Melvin.
- he is ginger and white and he eats marshmallows.
Topic Two
- 3-legged centaur named Grumble.
- he is the guardian of the Christmas tree forest, protecting all the trees throughout the 'off-season'.
Topic Three
- Reasons John Prescott would make it as a professional wrestler.
- Punching and ugly women...
Topic Four
- The perils of Just For Men (and other possible indicators of the fabled mid-life crisis).
It seems I may have come full circle in my references with that last one. As you can see, the list verges more on the side of the fantastical than the socio-political commentary I should probably be going for, but then again who says the two are so very far apart, or can't mix? Of course since the penning of the list I have had half a dozen other ideas, but nothing that I can work with at the moment. I think that's the challenge of any kind of creativity - can we stick at it for long enough to get it finished before the next thing steals our attention? Please tell me I'm not alone in this specific form of ADD.
So what I'm trying to ask in a rather roundabout fashion is, what should I write about (other than my inability to write)? If you have an opinion, please voice it! I will attempt to be open-minded.
Of course if no one responds then I will have to conclude either that a) no one reads my blog and I should have invested more in marketing, b) all the above ideas are too ridiculous for words and you are laughing at me, or c) you have more important things to do than indulge me in my set of First World Problems (please don't take that phrase as too politically loaded as I am just referencing a meme), and I had better just buck up on my lonesome.
As I type this, I have a cake in the oven, fruit steeping in wine on the side, and pastry in the fridge, so if all else fails I can just become a food blogger and irritate everyone with comments about wine having a nose and other such nonsense. Your call, dear reader, your call.
